


Amor Fati

by wherenearheisenberg



Category: Actor RPF, Gossip Girl RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: AU - TriDeschanel, Alternate Universe - Hollywood, F/M, Mild Language, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-25 00:43:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1622855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wherenearheisenberg/pseuds/wherenearheisenberg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She had everything, and yet she wanted to take something for herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amor Fati

**Author's Note:**

> A SebStan drabble for my fangirl friends.
> 
> Inspired by the songs "Amor Fati" by Washed Out and Adrian Johnston's "Always Summer" from Brideshead Revisited.
> 
> There were no timeline, no indication where one starts and one ends. I just wrote it. If you knew Sebastian's history, you'd be able to follow.

She thinks she's ready for it. To lose her virginity on the night of this private celebrity party.  
  
I'm 19, she mused to herself, I can take over anything.  
  
It has been a long time since she started her life as an actress. The same for her older sisters Emily and Zooey. Sometimes she thinks she was born in this kind of life, acting, filmmaking, being famous, she thinks all people are made to be something, and this was her something.  
  
But she's riding towards the hidden Californian beach with a couple of friends and acquaintances during the night, and thinks that this is one thing she can be without being whatever she really was.  
  
She thinks they were 6 in the group, and she only knows Jessica Szhor and her boyfriend whom she went to preschool with. All others were new faces, refreshing her limelight-saturated eyes from harry potter premiere nights.  
  
A random guy handed her some beer. She thinks his name was Carlos, but she's not sure. The night was dark and she needed to squint her eyes to see anything.  
  
Then the next thing she knew, she was jumping off the cliff, towards the wide sea, holding Jessica's hand, shouting at the top of her lungs from the thrill and happiness, a release of a kind of frustration she didn't know she had.  
  
They were giggling like children upon reaching the shore, and she hiccoughed and thought if her parents were looking for her, if the ones left in the lodge wondered where the youngest Deschanel had wandered off to.  
  
She looked behind her and saw that the others were gone, doing god knows what somewhere. She still can't see anything without squinting her eyes, and the seawater stung her eyes and clung to her form. When she turned, she bumped her side and saw the random guy from earlier, and realized that they were the only single people in the lot.  
  
"Uhh...hey." she managed in her tipsy voice, most of her intoxication had been washed out by the impact of falling.  
  
"Hi." and she couldn't make out anything in the dark besides his wide smile and the spikes of hair.  
  
She didn't know what to say next, not without the other speaking first. She's bad at this, she thought to herself, but Carlos(?), surprisingly, is not.  
  
"How fan of beer are you?" he asked suddenly. He handed her a freshly opened bottle.  
  
"I'm just a rookie." she said, but she didn't wince at the taste this time.  
  
He was watching her and he dismissed her half-hearted confession. "Nah, you'll be a pro soon." he got up and reached inside the cooler for his own bottle.  
  
"And you?"  
  
He looked at her, "I'm a connoisseur," he said effortlessly with a savvy accent she cannot help but laugh at. "I can imagine."  
  
He smiled at her.  
  
There was an alcove in the huge rock beside the sea, and after a few sips of beer they found themselves there, kissing tentatively, trying to push whatever limit they had, quietly touching each other's hair. The sand was on their skin, and she can feel him on her, smooth and gentle, the rough sand rolling on their skin with every touch. She paused and grew confident, pulling away from his lips. He looked at her quizzically, bracing himself for another wave of her spontaneity.  
  
"Do you have problem with taking people's virginity?" Pause.  
  
He couldn't help but laugh at what he heard, clutching his stomach as he voiced his amusement. She frowned slightly, "Why are you laughing? It's not funny!" she said, although the crinkles in his eyes prevented her from being fully irritated.  
  
"Oh, you are funny. What you said wasn't, and to answer that, my problem with that depends on the situation." he finally said when he calmed himself down.  
  
"The situation is now." she said. Where is this confidence coming from? Probably the beer and the wind, or the waves lapping at the limestone beneath their feet. She sounded like a child demanding a toy, and with the way he looked at her, in her opinion, probably indicated that he was weirded out.  
  
But this son of a bitch looked like he was on the verge of laughing at her again.  
  
"But you look awfully young." He mused.  
  
"What? No! I'm 20 now. And don't tell me that you're older than 25 because that's just bullshit." technically a lie, but it was just a year. She kept it close, because you never know, the suffix "teen" in age is a red flag.  
  
"Okay, but why are you so eager to lose it? I mean you're famous, you're pretty, you're rich, your family is full of people from the industry. Why would you..." and as he trailed off, the realization dawned on him, and she stared blankly, tired of hearing all that.  
  
It was all of that, the reason why she wants to lose it is a form of rebellion against the life she lives in. While she never hated it, she wanted for once, in her already ending teenage life, to take something for herself, to be normal at least, even in the most bizarre way. Oh, the irony.  
  
But now this guy made her tired, too. She forgot that he was an actor, too. He lives in the same world. She just thought that maybe he would understand and just go with it without another word. "You could have just said you didn't want to." she said and started to stand up. Maybe she'll just sleep this one out.  
  
"Wait, wait, hey!" she abruptly stopped and he continued when she didn't jostle her arm when he grabbed it. "Look, I'm sorry about that. I am. I just didn't know you were looking for a night with an asshole. The one who sexes up everyone and everything and let's his dick talk instead of his mouth.                                                                                                                                                                                 ”She smiled slightly and relaxed herself back into him and kissed the corner of his mouth. "You're not an asshole?" mock-incredulity in dripping in her voice.  
  
He started kissing her as well, laying her down gently, guiding her with a hand in the back of her neck as he kissed her sternum and felt her heart pounding. It was intoxicating.  
  
His eyes glazed on hers. "I am, alright I am," and he chuckled despite himself. "I am if you let me take you to dinner first. How does that sound?" He said in between kisses. She looked at him alarmingly, shaking her head.  
  
"No, no, the media would fry us. I...I don't want that kind of trouble. Not for anyone, at least."  
  
She waited for a reaction from him, a sigh, anything. But she found nothing.  
  
Finally, he told her, "Alright, alright. I get it. After this, we go back. Nothing happened."  
  
Despite a nagging in her chest, she nodded. She never knew how to voiced her appeals, maybe that's why she never had anything she actually wanted.  
  
But he kissed her, and at that time she couldn't differentiate a sweet kiss from other kisses. She closed her eyes while he started working. He felt him undress what little she had left, and when she opened her eyes she kept it on him.  
  
When he entered her in a swift motion, she felt the barrier of something break of, and it sounded like achievement. A secret one, experienced by everyone in their own minds. He didn't see pain from her, but he stilled, making sure that she was alright.  
  
Indeed, he couldn't be the asshole she expected.  
  
She urged him to move, and when he did it was the most amazing thing that they both moaned suddenly. He looked at her, and they giggled, their discomfort dissipating into intense passion of some sort.  
  
He kissed both corners of her mouth, her forehead, the bridge of her nose and the lids of her eyes. He touched her on the right places, and when he flicked his tongue on her nipples she gasped and said, "You just know exactly what to do, don't you?" It was more like a statement, and she didn't need a confirmation.  
  
He smiled cheekily at her and she blushed. His thrusts didn't falter even when moving his lips closer to hers, tracing "connoisseur" on her lips with his with such charm that she smiled so wide and felt his lips on her teeth.  
  
She was close when she forgot something, and she grasped his biceps. "I forgot your name." He raised his eyebrows at her while biting his lip and she continued. "I don't know what to say when I come." He groaned and pressed his forehead to hers, his own arousal building tremendously. He whispered to her and she kissed him, knowing.  
  
When she came and uttered a name, she was now certain of the random beer guy's name. "Sebastian."  
  
And they kept their promise. They wouldn't see each other for quite some time.

 

* * *

The game was booming, the fans cheering, and he couldn't find other celebrities watching other than him and his girlfriend. But when he turned his head, he found her watching with someone.  
  
He looked on as this someone's arm snaked around her form and tugged her closer. This someone kissed her, too, and he found himself smiling wistfully when he saw her smile like she meant it for the first time.  
  
Then he found himself looking at his own companion, intently watching the game before her eyes. He loves her, so so much.  
  
Then he pulled her closer and kissed her temple, overwhelming with love despite the wobbly state of their relationship. He thinks that maybe if he gives all his love to that kiss, then everything will be alright again.  
  
But Leighton was looking straight ahead the whole time.

* * *

  
She had her sunglasses on, not wanting to attract more attention in the quaint little coffee shop, and he realized that a lot has happened since he last saw her.  
  
And that was a long time.  
  
She was alone, and her nose was red. Maybe from the cold, but she was sniffing, like she had a long cry.  
  
She seemed not to mind anything else except herself and the coffee she brought out with her, and he felt afraid to approach her in such a public place. He remembered when she refused to have dinner with him and found himself thinking if there was a deeper reason as to why.

* * *

  
She remembered LA, and that beach, so when she wanted a way out, that's where she went.  
  
It was near sundown, but she easily found the alcove. She cooed when she found that the underside of it formed another alcove beneath from all the erosion.  
  
Or maybe it was already there even before.  
  
When she squinted her eyes from the light of the sunset, she found him there.  
  
They didn't say anything to each other. But when one of them broke the silence, the other's face split into a smile.  
  
"Think you could take up on the dinner I told you about?"


End file.
